1 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:18,600 Nice. 2 00:00:20,228 --> 00:00:21,229 Argh. 3 00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:32,197 Nice. 4 00:00:32,824 --> 00:00:33,824 Oh... 5 00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,368 Somebody's ready for action. 6 00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:38,997 It smells delicious in here. Did you cut yourself? 7 00:00:39,581 --> 00:00:41,833 Just testing it. It works. 8 00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:43,626 You brought Mr. Ball Legs home? 9 00:00:44,002 --> 00:00:47,213 Yeah. I thought maybe a change of scenery would cheer him up. 10 00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:49,090 Maybe he would enjoy Bangkok. 11 00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:51,384 Is that Ramona's ball creature? 12 00:00:51,509 --> 00:00:52,509 Cool. 13 00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:54,553 [KNOCKS SOFTLY] 14 00:00:56,347 --> 00:00:59,059 It's like when we go to the zoo and none of the animals give a fuck. 15 00:00:59,601 --> 00:01:03,313 So I ran into Lisa... and she had some big news. 16 00:01:04,105 --> 00:01:05,690 About a certain girl... 17 00:01:05,857 --> 00:01:07,192 and a certain boy. 18 00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:08,734 Dating. 19 00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:11,821 One of them's named Abby. 20 00:01:14,491 --> 00:01:15,784 You're no fun. 21 00:01:15,867 --> 00:01:17,994 Are you dating Eric? 22 00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:20,580 That is so cute. 23 00:01:20,705 --> 00:01:22,248 Oh, God! We're not dating. 24 00:01:22,332 --> 00:01:24,209 Whatever you kids call it today. 25 00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:25,710 "Smashing." 26 00:01:25,877 --> 00:01:28,004 Mom! Never be in public. 27 00:01:28,463 --> 00:01:31,341 It was a stupid misunderstanding. I can't believe Lisa's telling people. 28 00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:32,759 So, you're not dating? 29 00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,844 Or... "hooking"? 30 00:01:35,136 --> 00:01:36,971 Oh, my God! Goodbye! 31 00:01:38,195 --> 00:01:40,857 I don't care if it's not true. We are not letting this go. 32 00:01:40,989 --> 00:01:41,989 Hmm. 33 00:01:42,352 --> 00:01:44,380 Ready to go deal with your friend 34 00:01:44,414 --> 00:01:46,750 - who left a knife in our door? - Yes. 35 00:01:46,981 --> 00:01:48,566 Let me just grab his address. 36 00:01:50,872 --> 00:01:52,874 And Ron's not my friend. We just... 37 00:01:53,404 --> 00:01:56,908 shared a room in a mental hospital, where I told him my deepest secrets 38 00:01:56,991 --> 00:01:58,993 and comforted him when he cried. 39 00:01:59,244 --> 00:02:01,496 Oh, shit. We're friends. 40 00:02:05,566 --> 00:02:07,972 Synced and corrected by reggielist www.addic7ed.com 41 00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:11,131 I hope we don't have to kill Ron. He seems sweet. 42 00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:14,551 People can be sweet and dangerous. Example, us. Also, koala bears. 43 00:02:14,717 --> 00:02:15,844 Ding dong! 44 00:02:17,512 --> 00:02:20,515 Outside? You say "ding dong" outside? 45 00:02:20,890 --> 00:02:25,061 We heard you guys are starting your own realty company. Big yay. 46 00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:27,981 And we wanted to mark the occasion with a dolce de leche cake. 47 00:02:28,064 --> 00:02:30,150 But they didn't have one, so we got you monkey bread. 48 00:02:31,609 --> 00:02:33,570 - That is so nice. - So nice. 49 00:02:33,645 --> 00:02:35,939 We know how hard it can be to strike out on your own. 50 00:02:36,072 --> 00:02:38,616 Yeah, we've been there, and we were young when we did it. 51 00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:40,410 [SCOFFS] We're still young. 52 00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:41,661 [MOCKINGLY] Yes, you are. 53 00:02:41,911 --> 00:02:44,164 - No, we are. - Yes, you are. 54 00:02:44,289 --> 00:02:47,167 Say, while we're here... we heard from Judy Humbolt 55 00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:49,878 and she said you wanted to list you six-bedroom Mediterranean? 56 00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:51,754 Very high-end. Good for you. 57 00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:54,507 It's like a couple of ants trying to lift a cornflake. 58 00:02:54,799 --> 00:02:56,393 We just don't want you to waste your time 59 00:02:56,426 --> 00:02:59,053 because high-end neighborhoods are kind of our thing. 60 00:03:01,229 --> 00:03:02,807 Why are you smiling, pretty lady? 61 00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:04,667 'Cause I just realized why you came over here 62 00:03:04,721 --> 00:03:06,639 and it's flattering. You're threatened by us. 63 00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:07,937 Oh, yes. 64 00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:11,316 Your monkey bread smells of fear. 65 00:03:11,623 --> 00:03:13,792 We just didn't want to get crushed by us. 66 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:17,280 Maybe you should be selling the type of home you're more familiar with. 67 00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:19,115 Like your cute little starter here. 68 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,743 We're not gonna get crushed. We're gonna drag that cornflake 69 00:03:21,848 --> 00:03:24,392 back to the colony, stage it with all-white furniture 70 00:03:24,537 --> 00:03:26,706 and sell it for 10% above asking. 71 00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:29,459 Yeah. We are gonna get that listing. 72 00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:31,502 Judy Humbolt and I go way back. 73 00:03:31,669 --> 00:03:33,463 Once at summer camp, she got homesick 74 00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:35,924 so I stayed up all night braiding her hair. 75 00:03:36,007 --> 00:03:37,007 Aw... 76 00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:38,995 I finger-banged her into her first orgasm 77 00:03:39,029 --> 00:03:40,962 at her brother's Bar Mitzvah party. 78 00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:43,681 L'chaim, bitches. 79 00:03:43,848 --> 00:03:44,848 Hey, guys! 80 00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:48,228 I'm not liking the body language over here. Everything alright? 81 00:03:48,603 --> 00:03:50,772 - It's fine. We were ju... - Not talking to you, sir. 82 00:03:50,855 --> 00:03:51,940 This is ridiculous. 83 00:03:53,399 --> 00:03:55,610 Ma'am, why don't you take a seat on the pavement for me? 84 00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:56,735 Are you serious? 85 00:03:57,311 --> 00:03:58,311 Ma'am? 86 00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:06,037 Sheila? 87 00:04:06,204 --> 00:04:08,560 Our friends from Principal Residential thought they 88 00:04:08,594 --> 00:04:11,793 could come here and tell us where we can and cannot sell homes. 89 00:04:11,876 --> 00:04:13,086 Well, that doesn't seem right. 90 00:04:13,169 --> 00:04:14,420 This is Officer Garcia. 91 00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:17,090 She's our Sheriff friend. She has a gun. 92 00:04:18,007 --> 00:04:20,176 I'm an enormous man. I'm not afraid of her. 93 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:23,137 Cool. Why don't I turn off my body cam? We'll see where this goes. 94 00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:24,221 Stop. 95 00:04:24,305 --> 00:04:26,933 You will not fight. That is a $1,500 suit. 96 00:04:27,050 --> 00:04:29,511 Yeah. You're lucky I'm not wearing an outfit 97 00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:31,854 like Joel you buy at a grocery store. 98 00:04:32,071 --> 00:04:34,490 [MOCKINGLY] Look who's afraid to punch a cop. 99 00:04:34,729 --> 00:04:35,729 We're leaving. 100 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,902 And we're taking back our monkey bread. 101 00:04:49,281 --> 00:04:50,540 Thank you, Anne. 102 00:04:50,623 --> 00:04:52,292 I serve Him by serving you. 103 00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:54,752 The shield of righteousness never falters. 104 00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:57,088 Alrighty. 105 00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:04,470 Okay, I know things aren't perfect with Anne, but you have to admit... 106 00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:05,638 that was pretty cool. 107 00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:07,932 That was... kinda cool. 108 00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:11,436 Christa was so cocky and then she was, like, "Whaa?" 109 00:05:11,519 --> 00:05:12,645 And Chris was all... 110 00:05:13,187 --> 00:05:15,690 Maybe we should bring Anne to see Ron, 111 00:05:15,773 --> 00:05:17,942 and if he's a problem, she could back his ass down. 112 00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:20,445 I don't think that's a good idea. She's kind of wild card. 113 00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:22,030 She took our Nazi yesterday. 114 00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:24,490 Yeah. Well, it was her first day on the job. 115 00:05:24,615 --> 00:05:26,367 But, that was terrible. 116 00:05:28,175 --> 00:05:30,121 Can you believe that douchebag 117 00:05:30,204 --> 00:05:32,040 spends $1,500 on a suit? 118 00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:37,045 You want to have a $1,500 suit, don't you? 119 00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:38,128 I would wear one. 120 00:05:41,507 --> 00:05:42,592 We have a problem. 121 00:05:43,259 --> 00:05:45,739 Remember when Sven and I went to the fracking site on our date? 122 00:05:46,259 --> 00:05:47,677 Oh, my God. You're pregnant. 123 00:05:48,264 --> 00:05:49,553 Yes, and it's triplets. 124 00:05:49,587 --> 00:05:51,818 I'm naming them Hey, Idiot and Pay Attention. 125 00:05:52,076 --> 00:05:53,644 - Okay. - Nothing happened with Sven. 126 00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:56,105 But those pictures we took so I could scout the site? 127 00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:57,899 He just posted them on Instagram. 128 00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:01,569 "Wow, can't believe I was at the fracking site 129 00:06:01,652 --> 00:06:04,072 with Abby Hammond days before the terrorist attack." 130 00:06:04,163 --> 00:06:05,539 Hashtag brush with death. 131 00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:08,451 Hashtag makes you think. Hashtag these colors don't run. 132 00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:11,579 This is bad. This puts me at the crime scene 133 00:06:11,662 --> 00:06:13,904 - taking photos like I'm casing it. - Which you were. 134 00:06:13,953 --> 00:06:16,724 It would be great if the FBI didn't know that. 135 00:06:17,335 --> 00:06:18,895 We have to get Sven to take these down. 136 00:06:19,003 --> 00:06:21,923 Definitely. Oh, also, we should get rid of my backpack. 137 00:06:22,006 --> 00:06:24,092 We had the C4 in it so there's probably residue. 138 00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:27,762 I'll do that. You deal with Sven. He and I didn't end on the best terms. 139 00:06:27,845 --> 00:06:30,556 Sure. Want me to rough him up or just talk to him? 140 00:06:31,168 --> 00:06:33,241 Keep in mind I'm only capable of one of those things. 141 00:06:33,274 --> 00:06:34,274 You'll do great. 142 00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:37,188 Hey, speaking of our web of deception... 143 00:06:38,022 --> 00:06:40,691 Your mom told my parents that we're in a relationship. 144 00:06:40,775 --> 00:06:41,818 What did Joel think? 145 00:06:41,984 --> 00:06:44,695 Yeah, my point is, can you please ask her not to tell anyone else? 146 00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:46,781 It's just... I'd like to keep this contained. 147 00:06:47,573 --> 00:06:48,825 Sure, I'll tell her. 148 00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:50,827 Does it make you uncomfortable? 149 00:06:51,689 --> 00:06:53,024 It's not you. lt's just... 150 00:06:53,058 --> 00:06:55,728 I have so many lies on my plate, I really can't handle another one. 151 00:06:55,915 --> 00:06:57,299 Totally get it. No worries. 152 00:06:57,369 --> 00:06:59,219 No one but our parents will think we're together. 153 00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:01,754 - Thank you. - Except my mom already told my grandma. 154 00:07:02,580 --> 00:07:04,165 She wants to give you her ring. 155 00:07:10,054 --> 00:07:12,640 Do you really think Ron could be a Knight of Serbia? 156 00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:14,142 Or maybe he just thinks he is. 157 00:07:14,225 --> 00:07:16,227 Either way, we should be prepared. 158 00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:18,145 Argh. 159 00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:19,688 Fuck this thing. 160 00:07:20,071 --> 00:07:22,066 I told you I'd knit you a cover. 161 00:07:24,652 --> 00:07:26,154 [GASPS] Joel? Oh! 162 00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:29,949 I was so worried about you. 163 00:07:30,032 --> 00:07:31,367 I was a little worried too, Ron. 164 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:34,287 - Hi, Sheila. - Hi, Ron. 165 00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:37,165 Come in. It's so good to see you guys. 166 00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:42,045 So... What brings you here? 167 00:07:42,872 --> 00:07:45,472 Hm... The knife you stuck in our door 168 00:07:45,506 --> 00:07:47,884 with the note that said, "Beware, the knights are coming." 169 00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:49,607 I didn't stick a knife in your door. 170 00:07:49,672 --> 00:07:51,465 It had your fingerprints on it. 171 00:07:52,388 --> 00:07:55,475 Okay, I did stick a knife in your door. I wanted to warn you 172 00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:58,394 your lives were in danger but I didn't want you to know it was me 173 00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,897 because I'm the one who put your lives in danger. 174 00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:02,273 Does anyone want tea? 175 00:08:02,690 --> 00:08:04,525 No tea. What did you do, Ron? 176 00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:07,653 Okay, I met this guy Paul through a paranormal subreddit 177 00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:10,615 and I told him... What's in the satchel? 178 00:08:11,407 --> 00:08:13,951 Don't worry about that. You told him... 179 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:15,160 Right. 180 00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:18,372 Sorry. Now all I can think about is the satchel. 181 00:08:18,624 --> 00:08:20,625 Ron! We need you to focus here. 182 00:08:20,791 --> 00:08:21,791 You got it. 183 00:08:22,543 --> 00:08:23,628 - Ron! - I'm with you! 184 00:08:25,379 --> 00:08:26,506 Here... Look. 185 00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:30,301 It's just a hammer knife... in case we have to kill you. 186 00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:33,387 Thank you. That was going to drive me crazy. 187 00:08:34,192 --> 00:08:35,652 Please, sit. 188 00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:40,770 So... This guy Paul. 189 00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:44,232 Yeah. He has this weird spider-like thing tattooed on his arm. 190 00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,357 Mr. Ball Legs. 191 00:08:45,399 --> 00:08:46,484 What's that? 192 00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:48,194 Doesn't matter. Go on. 193 00:08:48,277 --> 00:08:49,277 Okay. 194 00:08:52,488 --> 00:08:53,519 I can't. 195 00:08:53,569 --> 00:08:56,780 Fine. When you become undead, you throw up a pod... 196 00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:59,580 and it eventually turns into an eight-legged creature. 197 00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:01,040 That's Mr. Ball Legs. 198 00:09:01,295 --> 00:09:03,167 Thank you, Sheila. See? 199 00:09:03,709 --> 00:09:05,670 Is it so hard to include me? 200 00:09:05,753 --> 00:09:09,131 So this Paul... Did he say he was a Knight of Serbia? 201 00:09:10,631 --> 00:09:12,139 - Yes. - Holy shit, they're here. 202 00:09:12,420 --> 00:09:15,721 They started hunting the undead 500 years ago, and now they're here. 203 00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:17,734 Do you know how many there are? 204 00:09:17,768 --> 00:09:19,227 Doesn't seem like a lot. 205 00:09:19,342 --> 00:09:21,542 I think there's just one for each region of the country. 206 00:09:22,123 --> 00:09:25,565 Paul has California, Arizona and the Vegas Strip. 207 00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:28,025 Obviously, the Knights are not immune to gerrymandering. 208 00:09:28,317 --> 00:09:31,571 So... what is it like being undead? 209 00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:34,198 Forget that. What did you tell Paul about us? 210 00:09:36,015 --> 00:09:37,015 [SIGHS] 211 00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,996 Well, your whole life changes. 212 00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:42,623 It's like that moment in The Wizard of Oz 213 00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:47,420 when the whole world goes from black and white to... color. 214 00:09:47,993 --> 00:09:48,994 Wow. 215 00:09:49,505 --> 00:09:51,424 That sounds wonderful. 216 00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:54,218 Yeah, my life has been pretty gray since my wife died. 217 00:09:54,343 --> 00:09:55,511 We did everything together. 218 00:09:56,971 --> 00:09:58,139 Oh, Ron, I'm so sorry. 219 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:00,599 That's okay. 220 00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:04,770 So, what is your favorite part about being immortal? 221 00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:06,814 Are you looking forward to living on Mars one day? 222 00:10:07,189 --> 00:10:08,649 Wait. Immortal? 223 00:10:09,191 --> 00:10:10,901 Yeah... You're undead. 224 00:10:10,985 --> 00:10:13,029 So unless someone puts a spike through your head, 225 00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:14,989 you're going to live forever. 226 00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:19,160 I haven't thought of that. 227 00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:20,828 Neither did I. 228 00:10:21,495 --> 00:10:22,747 That's pretty intense. 229 00:10:23,414 --> 00:10:24,582 You guys, focus! 230 00:10:24,665 --> 00:10:26,208 Paul is trying to kill you! 231 00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:27,960 Right. What did you tell him about us? 232 00:10:28,085 --> 00:10:31,005 All I said was I know an undead woman... 233 00:10:31,213 --> 00:10:32,590 But nothing about us specifically. 234 00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:34,800 ...who's one half of a realtor couple... 235 00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:37,261 - But not where we live. - ...in Santa Clarita. 236 00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:42,183 So, we go to Paul's, see what he knows. 237 00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:44,777 Right. And then we figure out a way to throw him off his tracks. 238 00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:46,090 You know, so he doesn't kill me. 239 00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:47,563 How do we get him to talk to us? 240 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:50,775 You could pretend to be a Knight of Serbia... 241 00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:52,568 visiting from another region. 242 00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:53,652 I could be a Knight. 243 00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:56,238 I did so more tricky legs than anyone at the Renaissance Fair. 244 00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:57,322 You did. 245 00:10:58,407 --> 00:11:01,118 So... I'm going to live forever. 246 00:11:01,452 --> 00:11:02,870 That's some shit, right? 247 00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:04,664 Yeah... Hard to imagine. 248 00:11:05,373 --> 00:11:07,750 Although, if Paul recognizes us from the clam farm... 249 00:11:07,958 --> 00:11:08,959 we could both die today. 250 00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:10,795 I could meet my great-grandchildren 251 00:11:10,878 --> 00:11:12,755 and their great-grandchildren. 252 00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:14,507 That's so many greats. 253 00:11:14,715 --> 00:11:16,175 What would they even call me? 254 00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:19,053 - Honey... we have bigger... - How about Bop bop? 255 00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:21,430 Well, you just add a bop to every generation. 256 00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:22,948 Of course, pretty soon 257 00:11:22,987 --> 00:11:26,644 I would be Bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop. 258 00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:28,938 I don't even know how to think about that. 259 00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:30,606 You're talking centuries from now. 260 00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:33,484 Even if we do survive today, with all the shit coming at us... 261 00:11:33,567 --> 00:11:35,778 I don't know how we're gonna get through the year. 262 00:11:36,242 --> 00:11:37,243 Whoa. 263 00:11:38,989 --> 00:11:41,450 Well, let's just focus on today, then. 264 00:11:42,451 --> 00:11:44,704 How are we going to get Paul to believe you're a Knight? 265 00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:46,539 Still have those fancy colored pens at home? 266 00:11:46,622 --> 00:11:49,041 Of course. They're at Bop bop's arts and crafts store. 267 00:11:58,175 --> 00:11:59,927 You're throwing away your backpack? 268 00:12:01,887 --> 00:12:04,014 Yes... as people do. 269 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:07,226 It looks pretty new. Why are you getting rid of it? 270 00:12:08,018 --> 00:12:09,770 It was asking too many questions. 271 00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:11,271 I know you. 272 00:12:11,605 --> 00:12:13,941 You were in Environmental Club for, like, five minutes. 273 00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:16,318 You're Winter, right? 274 00:12:16,527 --> 00:12:18,154 I saw you at the fundraiser. 275 00:12:18,362 --> 00:12:20,906 You made the lemon squares that were so good... 276 00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:22,825 Amanda threw her batch down the stairs. 277 00:12:22,908 --> 00:12:25,703 Yeah, people think just 'cause I have a shitty attitude, I can't bake. 278 00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:27,288 People can be more than one thing. 279 00:12:27,371 --> 00:12:29,373 Abraham Lincoln invented the pancake. 280 00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:34,670 If you don't want anyone to find that, you should cut it up or burn it. 281 00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:43,470 My dude. 282 00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:46,098 Saw your Instagram about the fracking site. 283 00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:47,308 Thanks, man. 284 00:12:47,808 --> 00:12:48,808 I'm okay. 285 00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:51,020 Oh, good. We've all been so worried. 286 00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:53,230 But, hey, listen. Those pictures put you at the site 287 00:12:53,314 --> 00:12:55,408 right before it exploded. It might look incriminating. 288 00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:56,841 You should probably take them down. 289 00:12:57,276 --> 00:12:58,276 I didn't do anything. 290 00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:00,070 - Might seem like you did. - But I didn't. 291 00:13:00,948 --> 00:13:02,533 - Might seem... - But I didn't. 292 00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:03,603 Mm-hmm... 293 00:13:03,637 --> 00:13:06,494 We were just there because Abby wanted to take pictures. 294 00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:10,456 Wait. Is she the one you're worried about? 295 00:13:10,831 --> 00:13:11,831 Abby? No... 296 00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:13,674 Do you not want people knowing Abby was there? 297 00:13:13,709 --> 00:13:15,294 Me? No. What? No. 298 00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:17,046 She was acting weird. 299 00:13:17,379 --> 00:13:19,131 At one point, she asked me to move over 300 00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:21,383 like she wanted better pictures of the site. 301 00:13:21,435 --> 00:13:22,770 Why would she do that unless... 302 00:13:22,812 --> 00:13:24,290 Abby and I are dating, okay? 303 00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:26,430 And seeing photos of you two together tears me apart 304 00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:28,015 so I need you to take them down. 305 00:13:28,098 --> 00:13:29,183 I'm jealous, Sven. 306 00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:31,727 I hate that I'm like that, but there it is. 307 00:13:32,019 --> 00:13:33,521 I'm a jealous motherfucker. 308 00:13:34,897 --> 00:13:35,897 Okay. 309 00:13:36,273 --> 00:13:37,733 - I get that. - Wait! 310 00:13:37,942 --> 00:13:39,527 You're dating Abby Hammond? 311 00:13:40,611 --> 00:13:42,321 Shit... Yeah. 312 00:13:44,156 --> 00:13:45,533 I mean, shit yeah! 313 00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:57,470 We know that Paul is looking for a realtor couple so... 314 00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:59,213 - I got it. - And if he recognizes us 315 00:13:59,296 --> 00:14:00,798 - from the clam farm? - I got it. 316 00:14:02,383 --> 00:14:04,218 Did you really mean what you said before? 317 00:14:04,301 --> 00:14:06,461 That you thought we might not make it through the year? 318 00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:07,763 Our life is precarious. 319 00:14:08,013 --> 00:14:10,850 Every day, we're one mistake away from losing everything. 320 00:14:11,308 --> 00:14:13,435 But every day we're still here, and I think 321 00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:15,229 we're getting better and better at this. 322 00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:16,897 Maybe you're just a pessimist. 323 00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:18,065 Or maybe I'm a realist. 324 00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:20,451 I did tell you in college that your Beanie Baby collection 325 00:14:20,484 --> 00:14:23,988 would have no value, so you should just take the tags off and have fun. 326 00:14:26,657 --> 00:14:27,908 - Hi! - Hi! 327 00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:29,450 Are you Paul? 328 00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:32,621 Paul! There's people here to see you! 329 00:14:32,746 --> 00:14:34,290 - Who are they? - I don't know! 330 00:14:34,498 --> 00:14:36,500 I'm not your fucking butler! 331 00:14:36,917 --> 00:14:38,168 Come in or whatever. 332 00:14:41,463 --> 00:14:44,800 They're loose in the house now, if you want to come deal with it! 333 00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:48,178 - Hey. - Hi. 334 00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:49,847 We're Belle and Sebastian. 335 00:14:49,930 --> 00:14:51,891 A brother-sister, doctor-nurse team. 336 00:14:52,433 --> 00:14:53,633 What can I do for you, Doctor? 337 00:14:53,767 --> 00:14:55,519 Why do you assume she's the doctor? 338 00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:57,396 - Why wouldn't he? - It's just... 339 00:14:57,813 --> 00:15:00,024 I'm curious what about me says nurse to you. 340 00:15:00,107 --> 00:15:02,902 I don't know. Kind eyes, upper body strength. 341 00:15:03,652 --> 00:15:05,779 Oh, well then. Thank you. 342 00:15:07,364 --> 00:15:08,616 Did you two want something? 343 00:15:08,699 --> 00:15:10,826 We're in town visiting from the Midwest 344 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:14,496 and we just wanted to stop by and congratulate the man 345 00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:16,582 who blew up that clam farm. 346 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,376 How do you know about that? 347 00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:21,003 Because you and I... 348 00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:22,922 have something in common. 349 00:15:23,005 --> 00:15:25,651 [SUSPENSE MUSIC PLAYING] 350 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:28,802 How's it going? 351 00:15:30,971 --> 00:15:31,971 Oh, my God. 352 00:15:32,014 --> 00:15:34,767 I've never met another Knight of Serbia before. 353 00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:37,728 I mean, I exchanged pie recipes once with a Knight in Florida, 354 00:15:37,811 --> 00:15:39,688 but she went paleo and then we lost touch. 355 00:15:41,398 --> 00:15:42,524 Oh, my goodness. 356 00:15:42,816 --> 00:15:43,859 [CHUCKLE NERVOUSLY] 357 00:15:44,109 --> 00:15:45,527 Please, sit. Have a seat. 358 00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:47,740 Sorry about the mess. 359 00:15:48,538 --> 00:15:52,209 I'm meeting my girlfriend Marsha in Hawaii. We're going to start a family. 360 00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:56,413 Great news! Congratulations! 361 00:15:57,081 --> 00:15:58,082 So that's it, then? 362 00:15:58,165 --> 00:16:00,376 You won't be hunting the undead anymore? 363 00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:03,170 No. I'm hanging up my rocket launcher, which is a good thing 364 00:16:03,253 --> 00:16:05,297 because the rockets are stupid expensive 365 00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:08,425 and you have to buy them from, like... the worst people. 366 00:16:09,551 --> 00:16:11,637 Paul's leaving town to start a family. 367 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:12,805 How romantic. 368 00:16:13,594 --> 00:16:15,512 Do you see why I'm an optimist, bro? 369 00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:20,187 Tommy, Goddamnit! 370 00:16:21,271 --> 00:16:22,356 You had a moth. 371 00:16:23,899 --> 00:16:25,818 You come into my house... 372 00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:28,654 and you try to eat my wounds? 373 00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:30,114 Fuck you! 374 00:16:33,695 --> 00:16:35,948 You've met met my unpleasant brother Tommy. 375 00:16:36,328 --> 00:16:38,080 He used to be a sniper in the Army. 376 00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:41,500 But now he's going to take over for me as the new Knight of Serbia. 377 00:16:42,042 --> 00:16:44,628 So the guy who exchanged pie recipes is out 378 00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:47,506 and the professional sharpshooter is in. 379 00:16:47,756 --> 00:16:48,756 Yay. 380 00:16:49,642 --> 00:16:50,985 [SCHOOL BELL RINGS] 381 00:16:51,260 --> 00:16:52,260 Hey. 382 00:16:52,501 --> 00:16:54,763 So, I cut the backpack into pieces 383 00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:57,725 and put the pieces in separate dumpsters. Smart, right? 384 00:16:57,891 --> 00:17:00,291 - How'd it go with Sven? - I got him to take down the photos. 385 00:17:00,352 --> 00:17:01,992 And that's the victory we should focus on 386 00:17:02,062 --> 00:17:04,257 while I tell you this other really funny thing that happened. 387 00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:05,670 Oh, my God. 388 00:17:05,899 --> 00:17:08,527 I just heard from Emily that you have a boyfriend... 389 00:17:08,986 --> 00:17:10,696 - and it's this guy. - Eric. 390 00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:14,116 Oh, my God. He is in love with you. 391 00:17:14,908 --> 00:17:17,202 Yeah, it's all happening so fast. 392 00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:18,495 Which can be explained. 393 00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:21,540 I want what you have. 394 00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:25,419 - What the hell? - Sven was getting suspicious. 395 00:17:25,502 --> 00:17:27,219 I had said I was jealous about the pictures 396 00:17:27,253 --> 00:17:28,546 to get him to take them down. 397 00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:30,632 But now the whole school thinks we're dating. 398 00:17:30,758 --> 00:17:31,758 So? 399 00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:34,344 Is the idea of being with me that embarrassing to you? 400 00:17:34,428 --> 00:17:35,763 - No! - Then why are you so upset? 401 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:38,190 Because it's like all these events keep pushing us together 402 00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:39,349 and I'm not ready. 403 00:17:42,436 --> 00:17:44,146 If we ever do get together, I want it to be 404 00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:45,773 because both of us choose it. 405 00:17:47,691 --> 00:17:48,691 I understand. 406 00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:50,610 I'm sorry. 407 00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:52,570 Thank you. 408 00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:54,782 "Ever do get together"? 409 00:17:54,865 --> 00:17:56,492 - Eric... - No, sorry. I get it. 410 00:17:58,827 --> 00:18:00,120 And I'm sick of it! 411 00:18:02,956 --> 00:18:05,209 - What? - We're done. 412 00:18:05,542 --> 00:18:07,294 I'm breaking up with you, Abby. 413 00:18:08,962 --> 00:18:10,339 You're breaking up with me? 414 00:18:10,464 --> 00:18:12,091 I heard they're having problems. 415 00:18:12,174 --> 00:18:13,217 I'm sorry. 416 00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:16,855 I tried to make it work, but I can't be with just one female. 417 00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:19,681 I'm like a blue tongue skink, in that way. 418 00:18:20,140 --> 00:18:23,685 God, I'm going to miss your deep, sexy knowledge of lizards. 419 00:18:24,853 --> 00:18:25,853 Goodbye. 420 00:18:28,857 --> 00:18:30,359 Sorry, y'all had to see that. 421 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:41,120 Excuse me. Could you direct me to Principal Novak's office? 422 00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:42,996 Yeah, just down the hall 423 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:44,873 you make a right and then a left... 424 00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:47,543 Whoa. You have a gun. Are you here to arrest him? 425 00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:50,921 Is he the guy who robbed a Starbucks wearing that mascot costume? 426 00:18:51,713 --> 00:18:53,841 I don't know anything about that. I'm with the FBI. 427 00:18:57,136 --> 00:19:00,180 So... tell us about when you blew up the clam farm. 428 00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:01,640 What did you see that night? 429 00:19:01,723 --> 00:19:03,225 I'd heard about an undead woman... 430 00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:05,602 and I think she was there, running from the explosion. 431 00:19:05,769 --> 00:19:07,146 - No. - Yeah. 432 00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:10,232 She was a short blonde woman with a taller man. 433 00:19:10,919 --> 00:19:12,421 It was pretty dark out... 434 00:19:12,609 --> 00:19:14,653 but I'd know them if I saw them again. 435 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:17,322 Hey... 436 00:19:20,033 --> 00:19:21,743 I never offered you guys a drink. 437 00:19:22,411 --> 00:19:23,411 Oh! 438 00:19:23,620 --> 00:19:24,872 We're fine, thanks. 439 00:19:24,955 --> 00:19:27,124 So, this undead woman you're looking for... 440 00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:28,417 What's your plan? 441 00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:29,654 He doesn't have one. 442 00:19:29,732 --> 00:19:32,713 This is the first undead sighting in 50 years 443 00:19:32,796 --> 00:19:34,840 and this needle dick's running off to Hawaii. 444 00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:37,634 Because I'm in love and I get to be happy. 445 00:19:37,718 --> 00:19:40,012 And the plan is that you are going to apply yourself 446 00:19:40,095 --> 00:19:43,557 for the first time in your life and track this woman down. 447 00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:47,311 Now, we know that she and her husband are realtors in Santa Clarita. 448 00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:48,978 Hey. 449 00:19:49,229 --> 00:19:51,231 We're going to be in town for a little while. 450 00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:53,483 We could help you find this realtor couple. 451 00:19:53,567 --> 00:19:55,986 Yeah. We could even kill her for you. 452 00:19:56,236 --> 00:19:58,655 Wow. This plan's really coming together. 453 00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:01,950 No. You can find her, but I want to shoot the brain out of her skull 454 00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,874 and then I'm gonna find that freaky little spider thing and I'm gonna... 455 00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:06,121 keep it as a pet. 456 00:20:07,548 --> 00:20:09,791 It's called a maladragon, dummy. 457 00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:11,335 Which you would know, had you read 458 00:20:11,501 --> 00:20:13,045 any of the sacred texts. 459 00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:14,880 And you can't keep it as a pet... 460 00:20:14,963 --> 00:20:18,175 because they die when you separate them from their host. 461 00:20:18,592 --> 00:20:19,927 Really? They die? 462 00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:21,970 Okay, we haven't agreed upon a plan. 463 00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:23,597 We'll find the undead woman. 464 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:26,391 You study up and don't do anything until you hear from us. 465 00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:29,686 And, if you lose interest in the whole project, that's fine, too. 466 00:20:30,493 --> 00:20:31,508 Sweetie? 467 00:20:31,542 --> 00:20:34,107 What? You call your sister Sweetie? 468 00:20:34,191 --> 00:20:35,191 Yeah. 469 00:20:35,442 --> 00:20:36,526 That's her last name. 470 00:20:36,818 --> 00:20:39,167 Yeah. I'm married to Ken Sweetie. 471 00:20:39,203 --> 00:20:40,538 Yeah. What's your problem? 472 00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:42,407 - I don't have a problem. - Okay, then. 473 00:20:43,514 --> 00:20:44,514 Sweetie? 474 00:20:47,151 --> 00:20:50,299 Mr. Ball Legs is dying 'cause he's not with Ramona. 475 00:20:50,376 --> 00:20:51,586 That is so sad. 476 00:20:51,627 --> 00:20:53,422 Okay, but I don't know if Mr. Ball Legs 477 00:20:53,456 --> 00:20:55,120 is our biggest problem right now. 478 00:20:56,296 --> 00:20:59,424 We can't let him die. I'm going to call Ramona 479 00:20:59,508 --> 00:21:01,718 and see if she'll come down from Seattle and get him. 480 00:21:01,843 --> 00:21:03,437 Let's put a pin on the Ramona discussion 481 00:21:03,470 --> 00:21:05,390 until we figure out how we're going to find Tommy 482 00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:07,266 and undead realtor who isn't you. 483 00:21:07,891 --> 00:21:09,434 Well, what if we make one up? 484 00:21:09,977 --> 00:21:10,977 Ooh, I like it. 485 00:21:11,061 --> 00:21:12,229 I get to pick the name. 486 00:21:12,354 --> 00:21:13,981 Hold on. Maybe I want to... 487 00:21:14,064 --> 00:21:15,732 Rosemary Sinclair. 488 00:21:16,066 --> 00:21:17,651 Shit, that's good. 489 00:21:21,989 --> 00:21:24,825 Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... 490 00:21:24,978 --> 00:21:26,688 Rosemary Sinclair. 491 00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:28,870 The undead realtor of Santa Clarita. 492 00:21:29,079 --> 00:21:31,206 Wow. Nice fake website. 493 00:21:31,623 --> 00:21:33,375 I'd buy a house from the Sinclairs. 494 00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:34,458 It's a stock photo. 495 00:21:34,543 --> 00:21:36,136 There's also one of them washing the dog 496 00:21:36,169 --> 00:21:38,755 and one of Rosemary getting bad news over the phone. 497 00:21:39,172 --> 00:21:41,717 I found a motel near the airport... 498 00:21:42,092 --> 00:21:44,720 where we can book a room for Mr. and Mrs. Sinclair. 499 00:21:44,886 --> 00:21:46,732 Great. Let's tell Tommy they stayed there 500 00:21:46,766 --> 00:21:48,278 the night before they skipped town. 501 00:21:48,388 --> 00:21:51,497 Because they heard the Knights of Serbia were closing in on them. 502 00:21:51,591 --> 00:21:53,312 And we confirmed Rosemary's undead 503 00:21:53,395 --> 00:21:55,772 because we found body parts in their motel room. 504 00:21:57,649 --> 00:22:00,360 Looks like we're going to make it through another day. 505 00:22:01,945 --> 00:22:04,072 I just got a little overwhelmed sometimes. 506 00:22:04,614 --> 00:22:05,615 I get it. 507 00:22:06,033 --> 00:22:08,952 The last 24 hours, we could have died three different ways. 508 00:22:09,036 --> 00:22:10,996 Four, if we count that left turn you made. 509 00:22:11,204 --> 00:22:12,706 But... we're still here. 510 00:22:13,373 --> 00:22:15,917 String a few good days like this together... 511 00:22:16,084 --> 00:22:17,878 Pretty soon, you make it through the week. 512 00:22:17,961 --> 00:22:19,212 Then the month, then the year. 513 00:22:19,421 --> 00:22:21,340 Then, who knows? Someday, a stadium of children 514 00:22:21,423 --> 00:22:23,675 are singing "Happy Birthday" to Bop bop bop bop bop. 515 00:22:25,052 --> 00:22:26,386 Are you becoming an optimist? 516 00:22:26,706 --> 00:22:28,875 No. I'm still a realist. 517 00:22:29,639 --> 00:22:31,224 I just like our chances. 518 00:22:32,601 --> 00:22:34,144 It's Anne! You guys home? 519 00:22:34,227 --> 00:22:36,104 So she just walks into our house now? 520 00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:37,773 I got you a Costco chicken! 521 00:22:37,939 --> 00:22:39,733 Fuck, yeah. We're in here! 522 00:22:40,817 --> 00:22:41,860 Thank you, Anne. 523 00:22:41,943 --> 00:22:43,820 That was so nice of you. 524 00:22:43,904 --> 00:22:45,906 Sure. Oh! 525 00:22:45,989 --> 00:22:48,429 And I also took care of your little Chris and Christa problem. 526 00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:49,534 Huh? 527 00:22:49,701 --> 00:22:51,703 I didn't like how they disrespected you. 528 00:22:51,870 --> 00:22:54,539 So I looked them up on the sheriff's database and it turns out... 529 00:22:54,790 --> 00:22:56,416 they were once convicted of fraud. 530 00:22:56,875 --> 00:22:58,377 And what did you do, Anne? 531 00:22:58,502 --> 00:23:00,837 I leaked it to my friend at the Valley Journal. 532 00:23:00,921 --> 00:23:03,090 She wrote a pretty scathing story about them 533 00:23:03,215 --> 00:23:05,717 so they're not gonna be much competition for you anymore. 534 00:23:07,094 --> 00:23:09,888 Oh, and I also got you some barbecue sauce, but it's habanero. 535 00:23:09,971 --> 00:23:10,972 So... look out. 536 00:23:15,894 --> 00:23:19,272 I do like the idea of neutering Chris and Christa. 537 00:23:19,398 --> 00:23:22,109 Me too. But this is kind of extreme. 538 00:23:22,317 --> 00:23:23,819 Wish she would have asked us first. 539 00:23:23,902 --> 00:23:26,947 Definitely. Although, she means well. 540 00:23:27,072 --> 00:23:28,824 And it is just an article. 541 00:23:29,699 --> 00:23:32,452 I still think we should talk to her... Set some boundaries. 542 00:23:32,994 --> 00:23:33,994 [KNOCKING] 543 00:23:38,750 --> 00:23:42,170 - My goodness. It's her. - Hello, we're the Randolphs. 544 00:23:42,379 --> 00:23:44,506 I'm George, and this is my wife, Claire. 545 00:23:44,762 --> 00:23:46,847 We've heard of your work and wanted to meet you. 546 00:23:47,401 --> 00:23:49,403 Oh, do you want to sell your house? 547 00:23:49,845 --> 00:23:51,304 Do you want us to sell our house? 548 00:23:52,013 --> 00:23:53,014 [SCOFFS] Excuse me? 549 00:23:53,106 --> 00:23:55,712 We know Anne from church. She said we shouldn't contact you, 550 00:23:55,746 --> 00:23:58,707 but we... just had to witness God's messenger on Earth. 551 00:24:01,940 --> 00:24:02,940 Oh... 552 00:24:03,275 --> 00:24:05,026 Could you give us a moment? 553 00:24:08,447 --> 00:24:09,698 - Fuck! - Shit! 554 00:24:11,032 --> 00:24:12,492 Oh, we have to fire Anne. 555 00:24:12,868 --> 00:24:15,287 Yeah... before she does any more damage. 556 00:24:15,662 --> 00:24:16,662 [SIGHS] 557 00:24:18,373 --> 00:24:20,584 Whoa. I think I found the undead woman. 558 00:24:20,792 --> 00:24:21,792 What? 559 00:24:21,918 --> 00:24:23,545 Realtor couple in Santa Clarita. 560 00:24:23,628 --> 00:24:26,006 He's tall, she's blonde. Look familiar? 561 00:24:26,089 --> 00:24:28,133 Holy shit! That's them. 562 00:24:29,958 --> 00:24:32,637 Those are the people from the clam farm, I'm sure of it. 563 00:24:32,721 --> 00:24:37,309 Sleep well, Christa Caldwell, because tomorrow you die. 564 00:24:37,809 --> 00:24:38,809 Really? 565 00:24:39,269 --> 00:24:41,229 You're just jealous. You didn't say it.